Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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