I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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