Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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