bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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