Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
