you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize