It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
