whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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