Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
