i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
