Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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