I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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