You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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