I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
