did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
