I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
