White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
