so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
