I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
