My hair reeks of homosexuality.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
