I haven't been this sober since birth.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
