You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
