i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
