the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
