What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
