Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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