I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
