I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
