Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
