I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
