dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
