and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
