I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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