im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
