they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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