My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
