She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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