Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
