He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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