I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize