even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
