i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
