but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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