in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
