Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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