Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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