You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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