Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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