You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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