Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
