If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
