I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
