All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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