I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
