I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize