How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
