he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize