i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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