I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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