WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize