those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
