Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
