Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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