I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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