Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
